i can do bad all by myself

that kinda food

Tyler Perry really did it with that movie title. It is apt and interesting. What I really wanted to title it was, I can do good all by myself but maybe when you read till the end, you’ll see it’s not exactly true.

So my co-pastor called me a week ago to inform me of a two-day fast towards some things we wanted to agree on as core leaders. I wanted to laugh and weep! Weep, because I had just made a delicious pot of stew and I was already planning the meals I would devour with it mentally. Laugh, because for a while I had been forcing myself to fast.

The bible says that ‘when you fast’ (Matthew 6:17) but there was no mention of how often. Please don’t get me wrong, fasting is good and I’ll advice you check the scriptures for what it says about fasting. This post isn’t about fasting. It’s about me.

You see I began to calculate- how long should I fast? Should I break at all for the whole two days? How long should I pray? I even began to think- ‘KC, you know you have much praying to do! When last did you pray for a stretch of minutes? (laughing out loud at that one!). Oh, it became a messy game of checklists in my head! I was already calculating if my glucose stores were high enough for that kind of marathon fast until I got a Spirit-nudging-hold-on!

"When did it become about you, dear one? When was it about how far, how much or how well you did things that impressed me? What happened to my strength in your weakness? When did my arm become too short to rescue you? When have I not made a way? Have you suddenly become stronger than Me? Are my resources not enough? Have I said it and did not do it? Step back and look (carefully watch, be attentive, see clearly) - anytime any day I am more than enough. If I said my grace is enough, IT IS ENOUGH! Stop trying, start being. Pay attention to my instructions and do them, not with your grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength I give. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking Me who makes you strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that I have for you (Phil.1:11-12 MSG). Will you not enter into my rest?"

My inadequacies began to melt in the presence of His omnipotence. Does it mean I won’t lift a finger? No! But like Paul, I may be able to say:

"I am what I am by the grace of God: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; and I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I but the grace of God which was with me". 1Corinthians 15:10

Now you see why I can't title it “good” but “bad”. Lol.