As I ironed my dress for church on Sunday, I wondered how I
could worship God in a way that won’t look like the last time or the time before that. It’s easy for me to slip into tongues and blast away or sing songs but at
times I feel like my worship to Him needs a breath of fresh air.
I’m talking of the One who kept watch over me throughout the
night and woke me up this morning. He gives me such an assurance that I cannot die but live to declare the works of the Lord in the land of the
living. He has been and will continue to be faithful.
He’s my provider, my protector, my Shepherd, my Strengthener.
Whose shoulder do I cry on when all seems lost except Him?
Two days ago, I was at a service and as we were worshiping,
thanking God for both good and bad times, I tried to think deeply of what bad
time I had just been through but couldn’t remember any. It was so funny yet
painful. I compared my life with Job's who lost all he had- family, finance, and
friends- in one day yet praised God, and knew I was a deep ingrate. Who had I
lost? What had I lost? When did I lose them? Yet I found it hard to say thank
you every hour, every day and every month.
Is it not amazing that we are in the 10th month
of the year all of a sudden? It seemed like yesterday that we were celebrating
the New Year. In the past ten months I have experienced His undeserving
faithfulness. There were times I felt He was being unnecessarily hard on me, or
being too quiet for my liking yet I am here, still standing because of His
goodness.
I learnt more about the Holy Spirit than I have ever learnt
in past years. I learnt about leadership and shouldering responsibilities in
the face of adversity. I learnt about prayer. I read more Christian literature
than I have ever read in my life. I made solid friendships. I didn’t have to
always use public transport to UI this year. I failed my junior pediatrics test
(and I’m considering becoming a pediatrician some day). I mentored more people
than I thought I would (well, I didn’t have a plan on the number of people).
The book club has been doing great.
I came to accept my weight as a blessing (I weigh 56kg). I
bonded more with my family. I had no lack financially. I’ve been highly
blessed.
Abba, I’m so grateful for Your love, Your companionship,
Your grace, Your deliverance, Your mercy, Your Truth, Your Word, Your ever
abiding presence, Your strength, and You. Are there still unanswered questions
in my heart? Am I yet to come to terms with some issues? Do I have pressing
needs and requests? Do I still have a long way to go?
Yes. In the face of all these, I keep holding on to You for
You are the Only One who satisfies. You are the Keeper of all my dreams, You
are my Source and without You I can never be successful (do what I was created to
do) or complete.
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| my birthday in May |
