Mrs. Ade, the
church announcer adjusted her glasses as she read the daily programs and their
venues. ‘… on Saturday, the men’s picnic would hold at St. Martha’s garden,
opposite Bishop Howells’ hall, which is where the women’s feast will take
place. Both start at 12pm sharp!’ her high pitched voice scared the un-expecting
members.
‘Omotola,
what did she just say?’ Adanna Richards asked her husband. He just muffled a
sound beneath his moustache as he continued to follow the announcement with his
bulletin. His wife wasn’t so educated but neither was she so dumb. He chose to
ignore her any ways.
On the way
home, Sola laughed hysterically as she read BBM’s. Her husband, also Sola,
increased the volume of the radio to the joy of the twin teenage boys behind.
Since he bought her the latest BB Torch, it seemed the messages doubled. And so
did her laughter. His mind was preoccupied with the men’s picnic. They were told
to bring a native delicacy that could at least feed four people. That was a lot
of people! Sola often complained that he ate too much. That was her business,
after all he provided the money. He thought of how he would put his chef skills
to practice as they were all told to prepare the dishes by themselves. What a
wonderful weekend to look forward to.
If only they knew how the events of the week would unfold!
Mrs. Sola walked into her office on Tuesday morning. She was the managing director of First Inland bank. As she stepped into her office, she signaled for her assistant to follow her in.
‘Adanna, I
want you to help me Google all the traditional dishes of Ekiti people. My
husband must win that competition.’
‘Yes ma’,
Adanna Richards replied.
As she was
about leaving, Mrs. Fabuwa called her back, ‘Are you still coming for dinner on
Friday with your husband?’
‘Yes, we
are’.
As soon as
she sat down, she dialed her friend’s number. ‘Sarah, how are you now? (pause)
yes have you heard about the men’s picnic on Saturday? (pause) my husband is
not really interested in it but as I ‘goggle’ her own, I’ll ‘goggle’ his own
too. (pause) No, I’m not forcing him. I’m only encouraging him (pause) Go joor,
kill joy. Is it because your own is interested? Don’t worry, let the best chef
win! (pause) hehe! Alright, bye!
Dropping the
receiver, she thought to herself, ‘this highfaluting woman will not find it
funny when my Tola gets the prize of the best food!’
xxx
Bishop
Oyelani carried about happily in his kitchen as he put spices and sauces
together. He was warming up for the coming picnic which was now three days
away. He always had an enthusiasm for cooking but his wife never let him do it.
That was probably the reason why God sent the ‘revelation’ to him. He trusted
the men to be honest which was why he suggested the cooking be done at home. As
he piled the dirty dishes on each other, his wife walked into the kitchen.
‘Mofe, what
are you doing?’ Bisi asked as she peeped over his shoulders, ‘My Mofe cannot be
washing the dishes, wonderful!’
‘Don’t get too
happy my wife. I’m only piling them for you. I just finished preparing gbegiri
and amala.’ He said laughing in his deep baritone voice.
Bisi quickly
dropped her bag and went towards the cooker. True to his word, there was a pot
of what looked like gbegiri and another of ‘cocolized’ amala. She tasted the
gbegiri and gagged- there was almost no salt!
‘Mofe
darling, this is the reason why I don’t like you cooking. Ko si salt! Please
you’d let me help you in this competition. I must be of help to you if not the
women will laugh at my husband. Even Venerable Ajunwa used to win all the
cooking competitions held in the parish before he retired.’
Her husband
smiled at her, she was beautiful indeed. ‘Sorry ma, but I’m not Venerable
Ajunwa. I’m Bishop Oyelani and I’m cooking this by myself. What would the men
think of me if I told them to do one thing and did another? I will not cheat
ma. Now let’s get ready for evening service’, he put his arms around her as he
led her to the room.
‘Besides, you
must eat before church starts’, he whispered into her ear.
xxx
Sara and her
husband held hands in church that evening as they let the words of Bishop sink
into their hearts. He spoke of the reason for the anniversary programs. It was
to bring family together under the leadership of Christ. The children just
concluded their adorable drama before he stepped up the pulpit. For Sara, the
program was like an answered prayer. Since Monday, Bode had been with her in
the kitchen, learning how to operate the cooker and other appliances. He was
going for simple eba and egusi, she was going for restoration of laughter at
home.
xxx
On Friday,
the Richards sat across the dinner table of the Fabuwas. They were having
dessert and the men were already engrossed in politics leaving the women to
themselves. It didn’t take a second for Sola to pull out her BB and give it her
full attention. Adanna could see the irritation on Mr. Sola’s face he tried to hide.
No wonder her husband refused to let her have a BB. He would simply hate to
have her attention divided. She went into the kitchen to work her mischevious
act. She knew what Mr. Sola wanted to prepare for the picnic and decided to
‘pimp’ the ingredients a little. Satisfied with her swapping plan, she walked
back to the dining table.
xxx
Saturday
morning, after devotion the four families were in the kitchen:
The Richards
were shuffling about preparing ofada rice and sauce. This was the third try but
this time it was Adanna doing the cooking. Omotola had successfully burnt the
sauce twice and they were out of ‘iru’.
Bishop
Oyelani tried to convince his wife to no avail not to ‘help’ him. The unhappy
Bishop turned the soup as she turned the amala. She could manage the gbegiri
being tasteless but not the amala. Never!
Sola and Sola
laughed as they cooked. Mrs. Sola read out the steps to Mr. Sola as he combined
ingredient upon ingredient.
Sara and Bode
were working as fast as they could. Bode was in the kitchen cooking while Sara
was painting her nails in the bedroom. She took advantage of the competition to
get her husband to prepare breakfast for the family, what he hadn’t done in
years. She smiled as she remembered last night events. It was going to be a great
weekend.
xxx
At 1.00pm,
the women were surprised to find no food in the hall. At first they thought the
caterer was running late but it was now obvious there was no food on the way.
Bisi walked
up to Mrs. Ade, the coordinator. ‘Ma, where is the food? The women are getting
hungry. What of the children?’
‘There has
been a change of plans. Didn’t Bishop tell you?’
Bisi was
clueless. ‘Please ma, explain.’
‘The money we
donated for the feast was given to the children (for their funfair) and the men
(for drinks).’
‘So what are
we going to eat?’
Mrs. Ade
laughed at the question. ‘Your husbands’ food of course. Why did you think they
were all supposed to bring food for four?’
As the latest
information spread round the hall, wives whispered to each other. Adanna was
already having this feeling of dread knowing that the Fabuwas would make her
and her husband eat their food. How was she going to explain that it was not
edible?
Just then,
the men strolled in singing loudly, ‘God give us Christian homes’, with their
arms laden with coolers of food. They laid them on the central table and went
to join their wives.
Bishop opened
the feast with a word of prayer and confession. ‘I would like to remove myself
from the competition because my wonderful wife ‘helped’ me prepare my
wonderfulous dish, number nine.’ The men cheered him in respect while some
wives shook their head in feigned disgust. Mrs. Oyelani blushed with
embarrassment, feeling very bad that her husband had to evict himself.
That act also
removed twenty other men from the competition including the Fabuwas and
Richards. No surprise that Bode was tagged ‘cook of the year’ by his fellow
brethren. The judges took two servings leaving the rest for himself and his
wife.
Unfortunately,
the Fabuwa’s and Richards exchanged their meals. Adanna could not bear to see
her husband impaired the next day because of her foolishness and confessed to
the amazement of the men and the anger of Sola. Their wonderful husbands made
joke of it and made sure their wives reconciled their differences.
However,
Monday came with Sola BB-less and Adanna’s change of department! Wives!
